SPOILER ALERT. I REPEAT — SPOILER ALERT.
I actually can’t believe I’m about to type these words. I also can’t believe that this massive spoiler alluded me for the two months that Harry Potter & The Cursed Child has been in previews at the Palace Theatre in London’s West End. But the time has finally come; I have my book and I know the identity of the Cursed Child. And now, so you will you…
The Cursed Child…
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… is Voldemort’s daughter!
What?! Who?! Why?! Huh?! How?! Relax, allow me to explain all…
The story goes — and remember, this all comes straight from the mind of J.K. Rowling and her team, not fanfiction — that Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange had a lovechild, born before the great Battle at Hogwarts at Malfoy Manor, before they both died in that epic fight. They had a daughter named Delphine, who was left to Bellatrix’s husband, Rodolphus, who told the girl all about her parents after his return from Azkaban. Orphaned and furious, Delphi decides to get revenge and find a way to restore her father to life and power. As it so happens, there’s even a prophecy that foretells her being able to do that very thing. But how to get the ball rolling? The answer comes in the form of, you guessed it, Harry Potter’s son Albus.
Oh yeah, as if this all wasn’t freaky enough, Harry Potter’s youngest son has a thing for the only child of the evilest wizard to ever live! To his credit, he doesn’t know that; at the start of the story, he knows her as Delphi Diggory, the niece of Cedric’s father, Amos. She’s a pretty, mysterious, blue and silver haired witch and, like his father, Albus just sees the good in people. Of course, when Delphi uses the Time Turner to… you know what? I’m not going to give it all away. I’ve already told you the biggest spoiler — Now go pick up the book! Enjoy the full experience!
HollywoodLifers, did you ever in a million years see that coming?! Even in your wildest, fanfiction fantasies?!