Nicole Kidman Admits She Was ‘Struggling’ With Tom Cruise Divorce When She Won Her 2003 Oscar

The Academy Award winner opened up about what she was going through in her ‘personal life’ at the time. 

Everything isn’t always as it seems, as Nicole Kidman explained. The Academy Award-winning actress, 56, admitted that she was “struggling” at the 2003 Oscars amid her divorce from ex-husband Tom Cruise, according to Dave Karger’s book 50 Oscar Nights. Without mentioning Tom, 61, by name, Nicole acknowledged that her “personal life” had become difficult. 

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” the Undoing actress told the author for his book, which hits stands on January 23. “That’s what happens, right?” she added. 

While pointing out that she isn’t a “big party girl,” Nicole revealed she was going to “skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award.’”

“I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’  Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award!” Nicole said. “That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’ … So, I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.” 

Instead of going out all night to celebrate her win for her performance in The Hours, Nicole “went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel.” 

“I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed,” the Bombshell actress recalled. “That’s when it hit me. I went, ‘I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.’ Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’ … I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight.” 

Nicole and Tom divorced in 2001. The fallout from their split earned nationwide attention and became one of the most highly publicized celebrity divorces. The former spouses share their adopted, children Isabella and Connor Cruise, both of whom do not have a relationship with Nicole. 

After finalizing her divorce from the Top Gun: Maverick star, Nicole spoke to Vanity Fair in 2002 about how she felt as if her “life collapsed.” 

“I fell madly, passionately in love,” she said. “And as happens when you fall in love, my whole plan in terms of what I wanted for my life — I was like, ‘Forget it. This is it.’ I was consumed by it, willingly. And I was desperate to have a baby with him. I didn’t care if we were married. That’s what I wish I’d done.” 

Despite the heartbreak from the divorce, Nicole met her future husband, Keith Urban, in 2005, and they married in 2006.