‘Scream Queens’: 19 Quotes From The Premiere That Will Make You LOL

After watching the premiere of ‘Scream Queens,’ one thing was for sure. The one-liners alone will make you laugh out loud. Yes, I do have a theory about the killer, but that’s for later. For now, let’s relive the best quotes.

Warning, these quotes will spoil Scream Queens — if you haven’t yet watched the amazing premiere. Be warned! Oh yeah, and most of these are by the lovely Chanel (Emma Roberts).

1. “Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?” – Random KKT girl

2. “I am not missing ‘Waterfalls’ for this. ‘Waterfalls’ is my jam.” – Same random

3. “Excuse me, ‘White Mammy.’ I have a question & it’s just a hypothetical. If I asked you if you knew somethin’ ’bout berthin’ no babies or if you knew nothin’ ’bout berthin’ no babies,’ what would you say?” – Chanel to Dean Mammy

4. “Do you think you like to munch box because your last name is Munsch, or is that just a coincidence?” – Chanel to Dean Munsch

5. “Ok someone turn me into Jada Pinkett Smith” – ex Kappa president before a spray tan.

6. “We have a side boob mixer, followed by a white party, where everyone is encouraged to be slash wear white.” – Gigi

7. “They’re the dregs of society… ‘Neckbrace,’ real name Hester: History major She smells like hot dog water and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.” Chanel

8. “What fresh Hell is this?” – Chanel

9. “I am gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.” – Dean to Chad

10. “I love all that death stuff. I got my first boner watching Faces of Death.” – Chad to Chanel

11. “How did you get HPV? When were you in Mexico?” – Chanel

12. “Good evening idiot hookers.” – Chanel

13. “Ok, Pissy Spacek.” – Chanel

14. “It’ll be fun, like a Friends episode… but someone’s trying to murder all the Friends.” – Gigi

15. “Is this scotch? It’s 10AM?” – Wes

16. “Sorry, I just broke up with you, bye.” – Chad

17. “Private like the parts of a man that you like to put in your mouth?” – Boon

18. “Shandell, why you gotta knife through your throat?” – Denise

19. “Ever since I broke up with you, I banged like 50 chicks.” – Chad

— Emily Longeretta
Follow @emilylongeretta